"The Torture of My Desire" ... (written August 26th, 2002)

The slumbering nights bring so many suprises of which I have no idea I am a part of. I dreamed a dream of a past love (well, not so much a past love, but more of a memorable woman with whom I am still in love) catching my eyes and I hers. We ran toward one another with great enthusiasm, like a child after the chiming sound of the sweetness of the ice cream truck. Suddenly, when we were an arms length apart, I reached to clasp my hands around her grace as to lift her on high and ride her in circles 'round me. To my amazement, she braced her stiffened arms to my shoulders and tilted herself back away from me, while still in my held, as to say, "I wish to confuse the hell out of you." As my soul struggled out of its slumber, I was trappend in that familiar limbo in which I am awake but still living in my dream. Astronauts have never imagined the distance from the world and all humanity that I felt the moments before my eyes opened. Although I haven't spoken to this woman in two years, she still manages to consume my thoughts, dreams, and hopes. These first few moments of dreaming reality is outstandingly grim today, my body, my every sense immersed in dream, merging reality with fantasy, only this dream is no fantasy. It is the torture of my desire.